


Knowing Love

by HisGlasses



Category: Final Fantasy XV
Genre: Canon Universe, Fluff, I think it is, IgNoct, M/M, Slice of Life, Unspoken Love, and sad, how to tag this even, kinda friends to lovers, probably too, very subtle all the stuff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-06
Updated: 2018-04-06
Packaged: 2019-04-19 08:52:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14233719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HisGlasses/pseuds/HisGlasses
Summary: A panorama of the development and growing up of Noctis and Ignis and the meanings and forms of love in five sequences.





	Knowing Love

**Author's Note:**

> This idea somehow changed its shape and decided to become more than the original drabble I had planned.  
> I hope you enjoy.

“And so the prince fell in love with the girl.”

“Did it hurt?”

The boy lifted his head from the book he was reading and looked at the younger one with big eyes.  
“Probably not, I guess. Why would you think so, Highness?”  
He took a second look at the page and frowned while examining it. “There, you see?” He turned the book around, pointing at the illustration of a prince kneeling before a girl and holding her hand. Both of them looked very pleased, their cheeks flushed a gentle red. “It doesn’t look like it hurts to me?”

“Hmmmm...”  
The black haired boy moved closer to have a look at the picture for himself.  
“Oh, but they are not falling at all.”

“Pardon?”

The younger of the two pointed at the illustration and looked at the bespectacled face behind the book.  
“You said the prince was falling, Iggy. But he’s not. Ah, or did he maybe scrape his knee before? Because that does hurt, you know?” He rubbed his own knee where a band-aid was the only remains of the accident the little prince had had earlier that day. It had involved playing hide-and-seek in the Royal Gardens and a pair of new shoes that still were a little too big.

The brown-haired boy put the book down onto his knees and chuckled.  
“You don’t literally _fall_ , it is a saying.” He pushed up his glasses. This was the point where he could show off what he had learned through the lecture of his last book.  
“I believe you say ‘fall’, because it is something out of your own control, it is nothing you can plan and happens involuntarily. Same goes for falling. It is something like a comparison.”

“But why are they smiling then?”, the prince asked further. The pout and the little crease between his brows indicated that his friend’s answer had not been satisfying. “I was not happy about falling today. But it happened.”

“Yes, it happened”, the other boy said, closing the book. “And I am sure it hurt a bit. But you were falling onto the ground, Highness. Falling in love does not hurt, it makes you happy. And it makes you strong.”

“I still don’t understand”, the prince shook his head in frustration. After a moment of contemplation he looked at his friend with shining eyes.  
“But if it makes you happy _and_ strong, I want to fall in love! I have to be strong, and I have to bring happiness to people who are sad. I am the prince and someday I’m even the king!” He slammed his little fist against his chest, right above the heart.  
As if he remembered something, his confident posture crumbled and his face turned into a worrying one.  
“Do you think I can do it?”

The green eyes blinked fast behind their lenses.  
“Do what?”

“Fall in love. What if I can’t do it?”

The brown-haired boy smiled gently.  
“Then I will help you. But I am sure you don’t need my help. You can do it on your own.”

“Yes!!!”, the prince yelled, jumping up and running around in circles.  
Just when the door opened and the king entered the room, the prince run towards him, throwing his arms around his father’s leg.  
“Dad! Someday I will fall in love and become a strong king!”

Not really knowing what had been going on, the king gave a bewildered smile and fondly ruffled his son’s black hair.  
“I am sure you will, Noctis.” The king looked at the other boy who was preparing to leave the room for the night. “Thank you for staying with him, Ignis. You did well. Now get some sleep yourself. This is a royal order”, he said with a whimsical smile and winked at him.

“Yes, Your Majesty”, the boy answered with a broad smile, happy to have been praised by the king. “Good night, Highness”, he said before leaving the room with a well trained quick bow.

“Good night, Iggy! See you tomorrow!”

* * *

“Aaah, those homework are dumb.”  
Irritated, Noctis let his pencil fall onto the desk and threw his hands in the air, before crossing them over his chest in protest.

Of course his outburst didn’t go unnoticed and Ignis left his own homework aside to approach the sulking prince.  
“Maybe there is another way to look at the task to make it more interesting. What is it?”, he asked, bending over Noctis’ shoulder to get a glimpse at the paper. It was a writing exercise for a short essay.  
“Ah, you have to write about love?”

”Yes, it’s written there, you don’t have to state the obvious”, Noctis snapped. “We have to write something about our family, but I just can’t come up with anything. This is just so annoying.”

“Maybe you should take a break from staring at the paper and we could talk about it first instead”, Ignis suggested. “And while we are at it, I have something to give you.”

“What’s this all of a sudden?”, Noctis asked but his curiosity drove him to go over to the table Ignis had been working at. There were books spread out over the table, one of them reading _Lucian History pt II_ , another one _Mathematics for Intermediate_. It was dreadful to see how thick the history volume was and Noctis hoped he wouldn’t have to deal with that subject himself too soon.

Ignis meanwhile had pulled out a little plastic box from his schoolbag, and placed it in front of Noctis.  
“Don’t be put off by their appearance”, he said as he opened the lid, “they taste better than they actually look. I tried them before. Next time I’ll try to work on the shape and consistency.”

The box was filled with what seemed to be chocolate chip cookies. Noctis didn’t really care about their difference in shape or size, they smelled fine. Delicious even. He looked at Ignis with round eyes.  
“For me?”

“I thought maybe getting a bit of sugar in your system might help your inspiration go to work”, Ignis answered, adjusting his glasses. “So, yes. Have some. And maybe tell me what you talked about the love you have to write about in class? I am sure we can figure out something for you to write.”  
Noctis sat down on the chair next to Ignis and started nibbling at one of the cookies. They were a little too crumbly and some of them had already gone to pieces in the box but they tasted good.  
“Well?”  
Ignis looked at him with attentive eyes.

“As I told you, it’s about love and family. The teacher gave us examples about what we could write. Like, what our family members do for us. Cook for us, read us books when we were smaller, care for us when we are not well...” Noctis sighed. “But what can I write about then? Everything I could write about is what you are doing, Iggy. You are doing everything for me. I don’t remember dad reading books to me, and it’s the Citadel staff cooking for us. And you made those cookies! And I don’t...” He hesitated. “I don’t even remember anything about mother either.”  
Noctis took another cookie out of the box.  
“And I’m sure if I write about you, everyone in class will think bad of me. Because you’re not... my real family. That’s something different then.”

Ignis nodded, listening patiently to what was troubling the young prince’s mind. He clicked with his tongue, tilting his head in contemplation before he spoke.  
“Well, I see what your problem is, Noct. And seeing my deeds as an act of... family love is indeed a bit twisted, I suppose.”  
He took of his glasses, cleaned their lenses and put them back onto his face.  
“Don’t you think you could write about the... incident? When the king protected you back in Tenebrae?”

Noctis stayed silent, nibbling on his cookie and looking at his feet.

“If you feel like writing about it of course”, Ignis quickly added. “There is no need to force yourself. We’ll find something else if－”

“I’ll think about it.”  
The young prince rose from his chair and just stood there for a moment. Then he pointed at the cookies.  
“Can I take those over to my table? I need to think about things.”

“Of course. But are you sure you can make it alone? Don’t hesitate to ask for help, will you? I will be here doing my homework anyways.”

“Hm-hm”, Noctis answered, taking the box with him, averting his friend’s eyes. “Thanks Iggy.”

* * *

“Noct, this is inacceptable!”

Ignis put the vinyl bags with the freshly shopped groceries and his files from the last council meeting onto the dining table before he build up himself in front of Noctis. Latter was hanging lazily on his couch, the controller of his favourite console in his hands and a lollipop in his mouth. He barely looked at Ignis, bored eyes fixed on the television screen.  
“Come on, it’s not that bad”, he answered, the candy in his mouth muffling his words.

“It most definitely is!”, Ignis replied, crossing his arms in front of his chest.  
“It has barely been two weeks since I last set foot into this apartment and the living room looks as if it hasn’t seen a vacuum cleaner for ages. And what about all those empty cup noodle pots and pizza boxes piling up at the entrance?”

Noctis shrugged half-heartedly, flicking the lollipop into his other cheek.  
“Have to eat something when you’re not here to cook.”

“Then could you _please_ at least be as decent as to throw away the trash you are producing? Besides I am not eager to take the blame for your incapability of caring for yourself. And I would appreciate if you realised that my cooking is not a matter of course. You could also try cooking for yourself.”

“What’s this about?”, Noctis put aside the controller and sat up. Annoyance was spreading on his face.  
“You’ve never been the type wanting attention or praise for what you’re doing. And you have been cooking for me as long as I can remember. You’re my adviser after all. So what is it all of a sudden?”

Ignis let out a grunt.  
“I wonder how many members of the Royal Family had their advisers cook and clean up behind them. Did you ever think about that? You might want to ask the king about this. But I cannot look at how you keep on depending on me. You’ll never grow up an adult if you stay like this.”

“Now look at you talking”, Noctis snapped. “You’re not my mom, Ignis.”

“Aah, indeed I am not”, Ignis snapped back.

“Then just stop babying me, damn it! It has nothing to do with _you_ how _I_ am living my life. I’m doing fine at school and I’m somehow keeping up with those stupid council reports of yours. There is nothing for you to complain about. If you don’t want to come over, okay, then just stay away. I can do it on my own. This is none of your business!”

“Indeed. It _is_ none of my business.”  
Ignis let out a frustrated sigh.  
“But, Noct. Listen, I－”

“Argh, just forget it!”  
Noctis dropped the controller onto the couch and made his way past Ignis, moving towards the entrance.

“Noct, what do you think you’re doing?”

“I’m going to meet Prompto. We’ll stay out late so you can leave here now. Don’t wait for me, I’ll have Gladio pick me up later.”

“Noctis, don’t you－”

The door was slammed close with a bang.

 

When Noctis met up with his friend from school, his face instantly gave away his foul mood.

“Whoops, what’s with that face? You look like... uuuh.. like I would be looking like if something or someone killed my mood. All hypothetically of course. I’m fine aaand you’re not. Probably.”

“Yeah, sure”, Noctis grunted. Usually Prompto would manage to cheer him up with his sunny character, so he hoped that this would be the case this time too. That was why it was always easy to be with Prompto. No nagging, no reproaches. It was just fun. Unlike with a certain other person.  
“I just... argh, let’s not talk about it okay?”

“Ooouuh~”  
Prompto covered his fake-excited grin with his hand.  
“Let me have a guess: you had an argument with your girlfriend!”

“Prom, I don’t _have_ a girlfriend, so: no.”  
Noctis could definitely not laugh at the two “knew that, dude”-fingerguns pointing at him. Ignis was really all but his girlfriend. The biggest difference: he was a boy. No, man. Ignis was a man. And they were not going out.  
Surprisingly those were the only two things Noctis could make out as real differences at the moment. He didn’t know how to feel about it. But he had to clarify this towards Prompto. Noctis sighed.  
“Ignis was being annoying about myself being irresponsible and not growing up. I just... He was away for two weeks for university, okay? So I had pizza and all that stuff and didn’t clean up the way he would have liked it to be. And then he started nagging about my behaviour, unhealthy eating habits, blablabla.”

Prompto let out a long whistle, putting his hands into his pockets.  
“Dude, that guy is really dedicated. I mean, you already told me he was cooking and cleaning but that’s not really part of his job, is it?”

Noctis rolled his eyes.  
“Do you want to start on that now too? I thought we were going to have fun at the arcade.”

The blond defensively waved his hands.  
“N-no, no no! Not at all. But he really cares a lot, don’t you think? I mean, if he doesn’t have to, why would he? Honestly I don’t think he does all of this to annoy you. Ah, but that’s none of my business”, he grinned.

 _Then why would he bother?_ , Noct thought.  
“Enough of this, let’s go.”

* * *

The news of the marriage of the crown prince Noctis Lucis Caelum and the Lady Lunafreya Nox Fleuret of Tenebrae came out of the blue and filled the people of Insomnia with buzzing excitement. Everybody was talking about how splendid the wedding would be, how beautiful the wedding dress was and what joy it must be to participate in the festivities in Altissia.

The crown prince himself had heard of those news only a few hours before they were being broadcasted. He didn’t quite know what was going on, but according to his father it was a necessary act to keep the peace in the kingdom. How could he probably have said no to that? It was basically his job.  
Back in his quarters in the Citadel, Noctis was packing together the things he would be needing until he reached Altissia. As he was contemplating, whether to bring his handheld console to pass time on the way, somebody knocked on the door. Noctis turned his head to see the well known tall figure of Ignis standing in the door frame.

“May I come in?”

“Do you really still need to ask?”, Noctis grinned and turned back again. He decided that he wouldn’t need any more diversion on the way and set the console and games aside.

“Well, I can remember a prince yelling at me when I didn’t”, Ignis returned smugly while closing the door again.

“Oh come on, I was fourteen.”

Ignis chuckled as he walked into the room, examining the chaos that had spread around Noctis.  
“Ah, some things never change.”  
He kneeled down and started to pick up the things he thought would definitely not be needed, putting them back to their respective places.  
“Noct, are you alright?”, he asked after a moment.

“Yeah, I.. guess so?”, he replied, stuffing two T-shirts into the bag. “I mean, it’s not like I have that much of a choice anyway. And there are definitely worse girls in the world than Luna so I guess I’m kind of lucky.”

“Indeed. Arranged marriages have been quite common in the past of the Royal Family and according to the records not all of them were what you would call... let us say a perfect match.”

Noctis leaned back onto his arms, looking up to the ceiling.  
“Do you think I can actually learn to love her? Like, the way she should be loved?”

“Learn to love?”  
Ignis sighed and sat down on the floor next to Noctis. “You know, some say that love is the fruit of marriage. It comes with time through the process of getting to know each other, grow accustomed to the other’s faults and accepting them. And before you know it, the current of time will do the deed. I am sure the Lady Lunafreya is thinking of it the same way.”

“Oh”, Noctis blurted out a laugh.  
“Well if that was the case, you and me should be head over heels by now. After all that time we spent together.”

“Ah. Now, wouldn’t that be nice...?”, Ignis answered with a wistful smile on his face that went unnoticed by the princely eyes.

“Yeah”, Noct grinned. “That would have spared me a lot of trouble.”

“How so?”

“Well, even if I’d not be happy in marriage, I’d still have you. Man that sounds kinda silly”, Noctis laughed, not taking his eyes off the ceiling.

Ignis snorted and shook his head.  
“I think we should leave it at that, Highness. Your bride-to-be would be more than sad to hear that you were planning on keeping a lover even after having been wed.”

“Right.”  
Noctis flung himself forward, holding onto the ankles of his crossed legs.  
“You know, I heard of another saying about love. It says: love is when the other person's happiness is more important than your own. Maybe I can grow into something like that.”

“That... certainly is not the worst choice, if I may say so”, Ignis said with a wry smile on his lips. “I tend to particularly like this one.”

“But really”, Noctis continued. “Don’t you quit on me, okay? I fear I might screw up things if I can’t ask you for advice.”  
He scratched the back of his head. “Argh, what is it with me? I guess all those changes have messed with me after all.”

Ignis chuckled and gently placed a hand on his prince’s shoulder.  
“What would an adviser be without his liege? Rest assured, Noct, I am ever at your side. And, frankly spoken, I tend to think that you might need me for looking out for a couple of things. A balanced diet is nothing but the beginning of the list.”

Noctis had to laugh at the smug tone of his adviser’s voice.

“Thank you, Specs. I knew I could count on you.”

* * *

The cracking of the campfire seemed unnaturally loud as the four friends had come together to spend some time before the dawn should rise. Not many words were spoken that night but the few ones uttered were meaningful. At some point Prompto excused himself, obviously on the verge of tears and Gladio signaled the other two that he would check up on him and make sure he would be alright.

Sighing deeply Noctis rose from his chair, put a hand on Ignis’ shoulder and told him that he’d be a few steps away, looking over the nightly landscape of the desert for a while. Thinking about things. Ignis would have gladly joined him in this but given that he had sacrificed his sight he kept quiet about it.  
After a while of sitting and listening to the fire eating away what was left of the wooden logs, the other two still hadn’t returned. Eventually Ignis decided to join his king, even though it made hardly any sense for himself to be gazing into the night. But being close to Noctis did.  
Noctis spoke up as he heard Ignis walking up behind him.

“Y’know, looking back, it wasn’t all bad.”

“I suppose we had some fun on the way”, Ignis agreed, trying to lighten the tone of his voice. They had already had their share of tears in their conversation before.

“And our fair share of trouble too...”, Noctis added. “But I don’t have regrets. Given the circumstances, it was probably the best life I could possibly have lead.”  
Noctis hummed, eyes afar lost in a nostalgic memory.  
“You know, I was thinking about something from before, when we still were kids I mean.”

Ignis smiled fondly.  
“Ah, yes. I remember those to have been good times. Although I must say that you grew to be quite the challenge when you entered puberty.”

“I can only give that back to you”, Noctis laughed, but his laughter quickly fell silent again.  
“You always did so much for me, I cannot even thank you enough. You were always there, supporting me with everything? I don’t even know how I would have made my way this far if it wasn’t for you. It was so reassuring that I could always trust you.”

“I wouldn’t have it any other way.”

“There is only one time you actually lied to me.”  
Noctis laughed softly at the irritated face he had grown to know for ages now. “Actually you might not even remember it. It’s... such a trivial thing but I somehow never forgot.” 

He took a few steps closer to Ignis, taking in the sight of the man in front of him who could not return his gaze anymore. “I remember it as clear as day. You once told me that falling in love does not hurt, that it makes you happy and strong. But that’s all wrong.” Noctis’ had to avert his eyes to keep his focus. He didn’t want his voice to fail him at this point.  
“Yes, it makes you strong and yes sometimes it makes you happy. But sometimes it also makes you ache. Ache in the most... impossible way. Because you...” He swallowed. “Because you are not able to protect what matters the most. Because you put distance between each other when you don’t know how to deal with that ache, not yours and not the other’s.”

Ignis only stood there, listening silently to the words reaching his ears, carving each one of them into his heart to preserve them from ever fading away.

“But I know that now. Hah, weird isn’t it? I guess some things you only realise when you finally grow into being an adult.” Noctis shook his head.  
“I took far too long and now look what’s left.”

Ignis had to clear his throat to be able to get his voice to properly work again.  
“If you will pardon me saying so, I would be more than glad to do so, but you must understand...”  
He tilted his head in apology.

“Gods, Ignis. I know. And if this was meant to be a comical relief it failed miserably.”  
Noctis couldn’t help his voice shaking. He sniffed twice to keep the tears that had been swelling up his eyes from spilling.

“I guess I will have to start studying again from now on then”, Ignis said with a thick voice.  
“Because until today, even if I... knew love, I never experienced any of the pain you described.”  
And after a moment of silence he added: “Forgive me for keeping it to myself, Noct. I couldn’t... bring myself to tell you.”

“There is nothing to be forgiven.”  
Noctis huffed out a silent cry. He had already known. And he himself also had kept it under cover. Noctis took a deep breath, then another to not let his facade crumble more than it already had. And well knowing Ignis couldn’t see it, he forced a smile onto his face. Maybe he would be able to hear it instead.  
“But it can’t be helped, now that we’ve come that far, I can’t possibly stop. Why stop now? The world is relying on me, I cannot go back if I wanted to. You know that, right?”

In between the fluttering of his own lashes he could make out that Ignis was biting his lip.  
“But hey”, Noctis continued, “in the end, I might not have you at my side, but I’ll always have you in my heart. Nothing will change about that.”

All of a sudden Ignis held out his right hand, his face turned to the side as if to avoid Noctis’ eyes. Noctis’ surprise only lasted the blink of an eye before the reminiscence of happier days took form in his mind.  
He took the hand he was offered into both of his, clasping it with all shards of affection he could gather from his body and mind. Noctis refused to let the smile on his lips fade, yet their shape bent into something melancholic and bitter.

“Thanks... Thanks for everything, Iggy.”


End file.
